The only person nosier than Seb Ryall this week is that next-door neighbour who secretly looks through your garbage to see what type of shampoo you use. It’s Pantene you morons – yes I make more money than you.

You don’t need nosy people in your life so you should stop watching the A-League. Hell, you should stop watching football completely after such a horrible weekend. Here’s why:

1. Tiago Calvano likely suspended
He was basically the only reason to watch Sydney FC play so not sure it’ll be worth continuing to tune in if he’s given a lengthy sidelining. Why would you be disciplining someone who touched up both Archie Thompson and Peter Green in the same match anyway?

2. Tika-taka ticking timebomb
Adelaide United are taking too long to figure out this type of football. It’s not that hard lads; you pass the ball short to each other until you’ve moved it into the opposing penalty box and then pass it into the goal. Simple. It’s not as if it takes an insane amount of skill, training, perseverance and time to pull off.

3. Best A-League players are in the Socceroos and All Whites
Why would I want to watch a league in which the most talented players are pulled away from their club to play for their country? It decreases the quality of the league and makes me disinclined to
acquiesce to their call to power the game. I’d rather pirate the latest Keira Knightley movie.

4. W-League is on ABC at the same time
Well that’s that then, no more A-League; on Sunday afternoon from 3pm at least. I’m cutting my losses and watching the women hoof it long at half pace. Especially if my club’s men’s team is failing. I’ve already bought a women’s replica jersey and will wear the colours with pride despite the ill-fit.

5. Noone in the Heart has had attack of any sort
I want to support a league in which I can make punny jokes about the club at the foot of the ladder. What fun is it when Melbourne Heart don’t score or win and I can’t pull out the annual “Heart attack” jibe? There haven’t even been any real heart attacks yet FFS.

Article continues after this sponsored video (which you should totally watch)

SHARE
mm
Editor of The Football Sack for three years, Matthew now spends his time sipping Merlot whilst watching the latest installment of Thursday FC.