Reporting with only a skerrick more integrity than a Japanese football official comes ‘This Week in Australian Football’.

After Al-Hilal fans came under criticism for shining lasers onto Ante Covic’s face throughout the second leg of the Asian Champions League, the stopper has come out to clarify that he himself ordered the coloured lasers to be shined on him. This was to complement dubstep that was playing through inner-earphones to pump him up. The move paid dividends through an amazing coincidence boost for Covic as the beat dropped in his ears at the exact moment Al-Qahtani shot late in the second half, forcing him to save as he ‘hit the floor’. It is unknown whether Covic will share his win bonus with his mate Skrillex.

David Villa took out his Melbourne City teammates to his favourite Melbourne City Spanish restaurant to thank them for his time at City. It seems that Villa’s English is not quite all there when the tip jar was passed around, dropping in a piece of paper addressed to the Melbourne City forward line saying ‘SCORE SOME BLOODY GOALS’.

After another defeat, the Newcastle Jets were pleased to announce their first piece of good news for many weeks. Malaysian Airlines has signed on as a commercial partner for the Jets, stating that the organisation ideals and values align well. It seems a good fit as both sets of Jets look to recover their damaged reputations in the same way after crashing to the bottom unexpectedly.

Melbourne Victory fans and staff are over the moon after managing to record a 2-0 win over Wellington Phoenix despite a plethora of injuries. Ernie Merrick could not get a cup of tea at AAMI Park after the game to accompany his pondering of how his team could not get a result, as the Victory were that short, the club’s tea-man was on the pitch.

The Western Sydney Wanderers’ ‘divine path’ from 2012 formation to 2013 A-League premiers to 2014 Asian Champions League winners has thrown the betting world into chaos as logical progression has made them become unbackable favourites in the 2015 Asian Cup and the 2018 World Cup. Despite this, 2014/2015 A-League Grand Final exacta betting churns out incredibly short odds with any combination that places Western Sydney Wanderers in second place.

Join us next week to see if Al-Hilal have successfully sued every person involved with Asia including all of its citizens (that means you) when I, @kylechandler14, will bring you again everything you do not need to know about Australian Football.

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Despite having robbed Leigh Broxham of the ball in Year 10 inter-school soccer Kyle is still a twenty-something awaiting take-off on an illustrious footballing career. In the meantime he can be found bashing his head against a wall watching Arsenal and Melbourne Victory pass the ball sideways and being a pest on Twitter.