A Zone Football League Two match in Newcastle was delayed by almost an hour last Saturday after players were unable to locate any tape.

A number of Merewether Advance SFC players refused to take to the field for their clash with Hamilton Olympic until their shinpads had been taped in place.

The fiasco resulted in the first grade contest kicking off 45 minutes late, much to the fury of opponents, spectators and reserve graders keen to get on the schooners back at the pub.

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Cartoon by Agaki Bautista

“I can’t go out there without taping my shinnies in place,” bauked first grade captain, Adrian Mannel.

“If my kit isn’t perfect I don’t feel right out there.

“I’m a starting first grader, there’s no way I’m using those ankle sock shinpads with the velcro.

“They’re for bench warmers, do you reckon Christiano Ronaldo uses them?”

It seems the debacle was a result of the team’s resident electrician being unable to take to the field for the match due to other commitments.

“Aidos is the only sparky in the team and he nicks all our tape from his work,” explained Mannel.

“He’s off at his missus’ dog’s birthday party and can’t play today.

“Far out he’s really dumped us in the shit.”

While players frantically searched their kit bags and the dressing sheds, reserve grade captain, John Powell took it upon himself to drive to the hardware shop around the corner and purchase ten rolls for the “tight arses”.

However, the no-nonsense centre back said he didn’t do it for team, adding that he just wanted to get down to pub.

“I really don’t understand what their bloody problem is,” said Powell.

“This is just eating into my frothy time.

“Our first grade is softer than a box of warm jelly donuts.

“If they put the same amount of effort into their challenges as they did to pressing their kits they wouldn’t get pumped every week.”

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Editor of The Football Sack and former graduate who now works in the ancient and noble art of print media.