9 valid excuses to miss a football game

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Life is busy. There’s work to be done, food to be eaten, cross-fit to be discussed.

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And yet despite your every effort, you ran out of time on the weekend to watch the football.

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It’s not like this is a mortal sin you’ve committed before though, right? I mean, it was fine to miss going to the pub to watch last week’s away game; you had a boring meeting. And it was totally cool to ditch the Melbourne Derby in Round Two, it was your brother’s girlfriend’s father’s birthday. Perfectly legitimate reasons…

You’ve been a little bit tardy on the viewership but we’ll let you off the hook this time you slimy scoundrel.

For future reference though here’s a bunch of superb justifications that we’ll allow in lieu of your attendance at the football:

1. KNOWLEDGE

“So sorry dude, I forgot, just like my bro Rio Ferdinand forgot his drug test that time. Let me buy you a beer and we’ll call that £50,000 fine and eight month suspension even.

2. TRUTH

“FIFA. I was playing FIFA.“

3. WEIRD

“Frogs kept me up last night.” Ukraine blamed those same blasted frogs for their 4-0 defeat against Spain in the 2006 World Cup. Ribbit.

4. HONESTY

“My mate just broke up with his girlfriend, I said we’d eat low-fat ice-cream out of a bucket together.”

5. LYING

“My mate just broke up with his girlfriend, I said we’d eat Kentucky fried chicken out of a bucket together.”

6. APPROPRIATION

“I was caught in traffic on the way there more times than Archie was caught offside last week.”

7. DENIAL

“There was no game, what game were you watching? That isn’t who the Mariners were versing this round. I’m pretty sure I’d know, I manage them on FM.

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8. EXTRA TERRESTRIAL

“I could have been hit by a flying football!” An entirely plausible excuse according to English coaching legend Sir Alex Ferguson who claimed one of his players was nearly killed from a ball directed towards his head by a Swansea City player.

9. GAMING

“Did I mention I was playing FIFA?”

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Jade Toomey
A 20 year old Media and Law student trying to tame those stream-of-consciousness writing habits with an ickle bit of fun at the Central Coast Mariners.

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