Schoolboy brags his ball is “FIFA approved”

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A 13-year-old football fanatic has been labelled a “rich boy” and picked last for teams after spending recess repeatedly mentioning his new soccer ball is FIFA approved.

Following his recent move from North Sydney’s prestigious St Aloysius’ College, Zach Montgomery told TFS his first appearance on a public school pitch had been worse than a cold and rainy night in Stoke.

The new Bonnyrigg High School Year 8 student was left until last to be picked for lunch teams, something that he said “escaped all logical reasoning”.

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Cartoon by Agaki Bautista

“I do not understand why I was chosen last,” said Montgomery “that has never happened to me before.

“We are using my ball, even on the Northern Beaches that alone would make me you a captain.

“But more importantly the ball is FIFA approved, they could never afford one.”

Montgomery said they normally use an old Puma ball that is missing patches and everyone should really be thanking him for the upgrade.

“It has 32 panels, I have never seen a ball with that many,” he added.

“It is really uncouth, actually.”

His newfound classmates said he was lucky to get a start at all after the bragging he did about the English Premier League replica ball.

“We were taking dot shots at recess and he wouldn’t shut the hell up about it,” said fellow Year 8 student, James Davis.

“He reckons he can get it to dip.

“Maybe you can on those posh pitches he’s used to, but I’d like to see him get it to move out here.”

Davis said as the only player left standing on the goal line he had no choice but to pick him, otherwise he’d be facing a six to five disadvantage.

“I didn’t want him on my team,” scoffed Davis “he’s nothing but a snobby little rich boy.

“The fact that his daddy can buy him a Audi or a fancy soccer ball don’t mean nothing on the pitch.

“He might have a FIFA approved ball but he sure as hell can’t do anything with it.

“I better not get stuck with him tomorrow or I’ll be booting off.”

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Luke Robbs
Editor of The Football Sack and former graduate who now works in the ancient and noble art of print media.

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