If your A-League club was a car

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Which car best represents your team in the A-League?

Sydney FC – Ferrari 458: The definition of a well oiled machine. Sleek, fast and intricately engineered by Graham Arnold and his team of analysts, this vehicle has flown past everyone else on the road and shows no signs of slowing down. Bobo, Mierzejewski and Ninkovic fire together in perfect sync inside the engine bay to produce outstanding results week after week while Bujis and Zullo generate some impressive output at the rear. Sydney FC prove if you’re speeding toward a premiership you may as well get there in style.

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Newcastle Jets –1970 Mustang: Last year it was rusting away in some leaky shed. This season it’s been beautifully restored with brand spanking new parts and frankly has never looked better. The upgrades have made it the only car that can go neck and neck with Sydney FC and on a good day might just be able to best them. The golden trio of Nabbout, O’Donovan and Petratos bring this machine to life up front and it’s been absolutely thrilling to watch them in full flight.

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Melbourne City – Smart Car: Melbourne City have certainly been efficient this season in their playing style. They may not be as big or well established as their rivals but for a little engine they pack a surprisingly hefty punch, Daniel Arzani and Bruce Kamau have shown us that. City play a nippy and eye catching brand of football but they may just lack the grunt to tussle with the top two when it comes to crunch time.

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Adelaide UnitedVolkswagon Amarok: Not as refined or classy as an Audi R8 or tt, but with fiery German Marco Kurz at the helm Adelaide United are a tough side to knock back. They’ve ploughed their way into the top four with some admirable performances and have got their fitness preparation down to a tee. Daniel Adlung, Isaias and George Blackwood are the workhorses behind this truck’s climb toward the top end of the table.

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Melbourne VictoryToyota Hilux: A big car for a big club. Kevin Muscat is the sort of bloke you wouldn’t want to cut off, and he’s pushed the Victory past a rocky start to the season so they can have a bash in the finals. Besart Berisha hasn’t quite been his usual unrelenting goal scoring self and the loss of Mark Milligan was a hard blow, but the Hilux is notoriously tough to break down. They’re a utility vehicle with a big, enthusiastic support group behind them and will definitely pose a threat come finals time.

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Western Sydney Wanderers – Holden Commodore: Only one previous owner: comes with Red and Black racing stripes. With a devout fan base from the streets of Sydney’s west, the Wanderers are loud, passionate and generate more smoke in the stands than the spinning back wheels of a tuned up Commy. It’s been a very clunky campaign for the Wanderers, but with Oriol Riera, Chris Ikonomidis and Alvaro Cejudo starting to click they could be hooning again in no time.

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Brisbane Roar – 1970 Fiat 500: With an Italian footballing veteran up front it seems only fitting that Brisbane Roar be compared to an older model Fiat. They’ve got some style about them but are an aging outfit that too often struggled with injury this season. As they plod along fans can’t help but think back to better days when the Roar were in style and the envy of everyone else on the road.

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Perth Glory – Toyota Camry: Nice and average. Like the Camry Perth Glory haven’t wowed anyone this season nor have they been thoroughly hopeless at any stage. The Camry isn’t the fastest, the loudest or the best looking vehicle on the road but it cruises along just fine without raising much attention. Diego Castro has been their most brilliant feature, like a seat warmer or sat nav, but Perth still have some work to do if they want a spot in the top six.

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Central Coast Mariners – Reliant Robin: While still technically a car, there’s just something not mechanically right here. At times the Mariners have looked brilliant, especially when Daniel De Silva is at his dazzling best, but they’ve spluttered and stalled too often and now sit burnt out at the wrong end of the table.

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Wellington Phoenix – Write off: Seen going on Carsales for under $50, it’s unlikely that you can even get this thing started. The situation has been so bleak that some even consider crushing the Nix into a cube never to be driven again. There always remains a few loyal to the club who will stick out the remaining season regardless of how much smoke is pouring out of the engine, but right now they’re better off forking out for a complete rebuild.

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Rowan McClatchey
Rowan McClatchey
Bachelor of Journalism student from the University of Wollongong, covering Western Sydney Wanderers for the 2017/18 season.

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