If A-League Men clubs were McDonald’s menu items

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Have you ever stared at the McDonald’s menu and compared items to which A-League Men team they remind you of?

If your answer is a no, and it probably is – don’t worry.

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We’ve got you covered.

So grab yourself a Sydney FC – sorry I mean a Big Mac – find a nice comfortable seat and give this a read.

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Melbourne City = Chicken Deluxe

The reigning A-League Men champions are the cream of the crop over the past few season. With the best and most expensive squad of both international imports and Australian players, they can only be compared to the Chicken Deluxe. Arguably the best quality and most expensive burger on the menu, it isn’t the most popular item but certainly won’t leave you disappointed.

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Melbourne Victory = McNuggets

Just like the classic chicken nuggets, you always hear about Melbourne Victory but they can be hit or miss. The club are either at the top of the table, or down the bottom – very rarely making up the middle ground. It’s a similar case with nuggets, either you get an unbelievable batch straight from the fryer, or some that have been left to cool down for 20 minutes.

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Western United = Chicken McBites

Just like Western United, the chicken McBites have only been around for a few years. They aren’t as popular as their older brother, the chicken nuggets (Melbourne Victory) despite tasting just as good and coming into recess success.

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Sydney FC = Big Mac

The oldest and most successful team in the competition’s history, it would be rude to compare Sydney to anything other than the Big Mac. The standout menu item belongs to the Sky Blues, who have compiled a record number of trophies.

Western Sydney Wanderers = McSpicy Burger

Just like the McSpicy Burger, the Wanderers are a seasonal item. When they were first brought into the league they were a smash hit. But, as they have continued to toil, fans have lost interest and the initial wow factor has disappeared.

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Newcastle Jets = Hotcakes

Just like the hotcakes, Newcastle Jets are an occasional one season wonder. While you’re likely to get the hotcakes every so often, the Jets are quite similar. One good season every five to six years is splattered amongst mediocrity in what is a fitting description of the poor man’s pancake.

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Central Coast Mariners = Hamburger

Just like the hamburger, Central Coast are the cheapest item on the menu. A club that has historically struggled with financial issues and attracting big name players, they have managed to stick around and continue to be competitive. It’s similar to the hamburger. If they added cheese they may be more successful, but given what they have on offer – it’s been quite a positive response.

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Macarthur = Filet-O-Fish

Macarthur are the menu item no one is interested in getting. Poor decisions led to their existence and it has yet to be removed from the menu. Thus, the only logical comparison is the Filet-O-Fish.

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Brisbane Roar = Quarter Pounder

Once the greatest team in the land under Ange Postecoglou, the Roar now often occupy the middle of the table. Neither unbelievable nor terrible, they can be likened to the Quarter Pounder. Once one of the best items on the menu, they have been overtaken by new and splashier burgers.

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Adelaide United = McMuffin

A successful cup team that is always around come the end of the season, the Reds are the ALM’s Bacon and Egg McMuffin. An all-around great brekky meal, they can’t compete with the top-performing burgers, but are still fun to order every now and then.

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Perth Glory = Macaron

Splashy but ultimately unsuccessful, the Glory are the league’s macaron. You’d be forgiven for not remembering that these are still on the Maccas menu, but much like the team from Western Australia, they are flashy but don’t sell very well.

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Wellington Phoenix = Toastie

Just like the ham, cheese and tomato toastie, Wellington compete hard but have yet to win any silverware. When other teams have bigger budgets and flashier resources, it’s hard to contest. Just like the toastie, who has to compete with burgers and nuggets, it’s extremely difficult for the Phoenix to compete against the might of Melbourne City and Sydney FC.

Feature image credit: Robbie Szafranek

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Dillon Izon
Dillon Izon
Marketing graduate at Monash University. Sports addicted, fan of Manchester United and Melbourne City. My gran “knows” Gareth Bale.

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