Moving is hard. Starting a new job is hard. So fortunately for John Aloisi, The Football Sack is here to help him get settled in his new area after his appointment today as Brisbane Roar Head Coach.
We congratulate the ‘cultured’, ‘well-traveled’, ‘worldly’, ‘nomadic’, ‘do-anything-for-cash-anywhere-you-want’, manager for somehow landing this role and we have done the hard work for him and ticked off all his new local requirements and arranged them here in one place for him.
1. Spray Tanning – Naked Body Beauty Bar – 10 minute walk (*wipes forehead in relief*)
2. Italian Suits – Wil Valor Men’s Tailoring – three minute drive
3. John’s State of Origin Local Watering Hole – Sportsman Hotel – 29 minute walk
4. Nearest Place to Book Contiki – Student Flights Adelaide Street – eight minute drive
5. Insect Control – Pestmovers – 11 minute walk
We want to ensure that John settles in the area without the nuisance of billions of moths that plague the area. The good news is that just next to the stadium is Pestmovers Insect Removal Service to help John out. Our question is, where the heck were they during the Asian Cup?
6. The Nearest Television Station – ABC Brisbane – eight minute drive
With a long history of getting his face on every single TV spot he could muster it would be remiss of us not to get the closest TV spot in his directory. It might be only ABC but hey, he has tried the best, what about the rest?
7. The Local Pizza Delivery Shop – Dominos – eight minute walk
8. The Local Diving Shop – Snorkel Safari Brisbane – 15 minute walk
9. Centrelink – South Brisbane – five minute drive
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