5 reasons to stop watching the A-League this week

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This league is far too even. It’s so even that Wanderers not only beat the Roar this week they comprehensively dominated them. Before the season even starts I should know the top four teams that will place that year. That’s real football.

You should stop watching the A-League. Hell, you should stop watching football completely after such a horrible weekend. Here’s why.

1. Del Piero has some sort of infected tongue. 
Why is it so frikkin red? Infection? Every time he scores and sticks it out I think he’s been fellating the devil. Or at least Rooney. If it were up to me I’d quarantine the player from the rest of the club during training. Except for Dimi and Spider, of course. They seem to be infected already.

2. Dressing rooms aren’t sexy enough.
Unless I’m watching Lingerie Football I don’t want to see inside the dressing room post-match. Players in their tighty-whiteys is just not on. And they’ll agree with you, especially after taking an ice bath.

3. Jeronimo pun not being given full airtime. 
Here we have a player named Jeronimo intentionally dive for what seemed like an eternity and noone has as yet slowed the footage down and overlayed it with Brenton Speed yelling the player’s name. I’m counting down until it happens. One one thousand, two one thousand..

4. Someone getting selected for England whilst playing in the A-League is ludicrous
Emile Heskey has scored four goals in as many matches making him the league’s current top goalscorer. Impressive. An unlikely call-up to the England squad would make me head for the hills in anticipation of the impending apocalypse, ala Deep Impact.

5. Missing pieces of the puzzle
If I’m going to watch A-League I want to at least know that the league’s best and fairest players are in form. Flores and Broich have been out of touch and Smeltz is not even on the pitch. Berisha is going alright, but he’s no nice guy. After all we all remember his Jeronimo moment.

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Matt Greenlaw
Editor of The Football Sack for three years, Matthew now spends his time sipping merlot whilst watching the reruns of Thursday FC.

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