This Week in Australian Football: Round 7

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Back despite no-one asking for it comes ‘This Week in Australian Football’.

Several unnamed Melbourne City players were caught up in a strange incident in a hotel room after the side’s last-gasp throwing away of a win versus Central Coast on the weekend. It appears a sadism and masochism practice went wrong as the ‘dog-collar fitted hired help’ restraints were released allowing the artist to cease the solicited activity and go on a rampage destroying the room. It is good to see that the City players perform a bit better around the box in their personal lives although it is a worry that they dropped the lead there as well.

It must have been Turn-back Tuesday or some other rubbish alliteration of a hashtag as Asian Cup 2011 flashed back to all again during the Socceroos midweek game against Japan. The Blue Samurai have once again scored a goal on the Socceroos after wing play resulted in an unmarked player scoring a simple chance without a Socceroo within 100 meters of them. It has been revealed that the players have taken on the new defensive coach’s instructions with gusto, with newly appointed David Carney relishing a chance to teach his techniques to the next generation and enjoying instant emulation of his career’s defending.

Despite the Western Sydney Wanderers’ poor A-League start to the season, it has been revealed that the club is digitally Australia’s leading sporting organisation. The Wanderers are not happy to stop there and are looking for ways to get to the top of the world digital media market. So far, only Tomi Juric has had a real crack at making an impact with the club knocking back his ‘Break the internet’ set of photos he had prepared for reasons of good taste. Tomi is reportedly shattered and has cancelled his hiring of a wrecking ball and white undergarments.

Adelaide United players are playing with confidence in each other and in coach Josep Gombau’s system as they collected all three points late against Wellington Phoenix. Trouble looms as it is unknown if they have accumulated enough points to keep them in the top six when Gombau is poached by a J-League club than returned a few months later. A pressing concern will be his doubts about his own ability as a coach and doubts about how he is going to spend all of his newly-acquired money.

The multitude of clear-cut chances squandered by Sydney FC and Melbourne Victory has unified both sets of coaches to decree that every player in their squad must become an active user on Tinder. The move is to create confidence as players getting in the habit of scoring one-on-one. Sebastian Ryall has been appointed as team leader due to his experience of ‘getting into dangerous positions’.

Join us next week when we find out which if Australia is ranked 29th or 30th in Asia behind Mongolia and Chinese Taipei and whether that means we will be playing Cambodia in the first pre-preliminary round of World Cup qualifying at a paddock outside Angor Wat.

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Kyle Chandler
Despite having robbed Leigh Broxham of the ball in Year 10 inter-school soccer Kyle is still a twenty-something awaiting take-off on an illustrious footballing career. In the meantime he can be found bashing his head against a wall watching Arsenal and Melbourne Victory pass the ball sideways and being a pest on Twitter.

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