Locations better for expansion than Melbourne

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With talk of an A-League expansion rampant, football stakeholders will be frantically researching where to stick the next club for the nation’s premier football competition.

Naturally, market research will look at supporter interest, sustainability and financial rewards in order to finally decide where the league will head next.

But here at The Football Sack, we have a better idea. The next A-League club should be chosen based on the most outrageous town or city name possible. Listen carefully Football Federation Australia.

Useless Loop

That’s right, totally useless. Or is it? Half way up the Western Australian coast, Useless Loop is a town based on salt production, which basically exists because of a giant Japanese company. With the Yen rolling in a fierce rivalry could develop with Perth Glory. Perhaps some Japanese superstars could be persuaded to sign. We’ve all heard the Keisuke Honda rumours, could this be the start of something big?

Banana

This tiny Central Queensland town is the commentators dream. “He’s peeled of his marker perfectly”, “the defender was totally skinned” and of course “that free kick bent into the top corner like a you know what!” Step aside Wellington’s Yellow Fever because Banana FC’s supporter group has dibs on that name. And they even have the perfect rival, the A-league’s next newest club…

Orange

What shall we call this rivalry? ‘The clash of the fruits’ or ‘The pickers affray’? What about simply ‘Things that grow on trees’? Orange, in central New South Wales, would have 40,000 members instantly because there’s not a lot else to do there. That said, it has a pretty good blues scene, so they will have to be called the Orange Blues FC. This idea is red-hot.

Casino

There’s a very simple idea behind this name, money. Casino is a 10,000-ish person New South Welsh cattle town, but with its name could inspire investment from all sorts of zany billionaires. Didn’t President-elect Donald Trump have a failed stake in Las Vegas? Well there’s a new kid in town, Mr Trump, and his name is Casino FC. Think of the headlines we could come up with.

Nowhere Else

Maybe not straight away, but when the A-League has 14 clubs in each major centre and there’ll be nowhere left to expand, Nowhere Else FC, from rural South Australia, will cap a brilliant expansion. It’d be better than Clive Palmer’s Gold Coast debacle.

Got a better idea? Let us know on Twitter @thefooballsack

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