Similar to your average high school classroom, the A-League is a mixing pot of different football clubs, each one trying to pass enough games so they can put their feet up in the off season without feeling too guilty.
If your A-League club was sent back to school they would look something like this.
Sydney FC – The Dux
Every school had that one kid who was annoyingly good at everything, so on the rare occasion when they did slip up it was secretly satisfying to know they’re human. Just watch as Sydney FC win practically every award come presentation day. Again.
Newcastle Jets – The kid who turned a new leaf
Last season the Jets were fittingly deemed the class ‘dropkicks’. Who would have thought this time around they would be contending for the top spot? Ernie Merrick and the additions that came with him have inspired Newcastle to do great things. O Captain my Captain, anyone?
Melbourne City – The rich kid
His Dad works for a big international corporation and is absolutely loaded, so this kid always rocks up to school with an expensive kit. Brags from time to time about the $15 million training facility he’s got at home but he’s a decent player so you let it slide.
Melbourne Victory – The tough nut
What’s a high school without the occasional scrap? Besart Berisha and Kevin Muscat seem to ignite conflict wherever they tread, and it’s not exclusively verbal insults that are being hurled. While there’s no doubting Victory love to stir up rivalry given the chance, it does make the competition all the more exciting.
Adelaide United – The athlete
The only kid who genuinely enjoyed the beep test, the Reds’ fitness this season has been second to none. Unsurprisingly their effort has taken them a long way, although they need to refine a few other areas of study if they want to retain their spot near the top of the class. Nothing the studious Isaias can’t handle.
Brisbane Roar – The repeat
He’s a couple years older than the rest of the year and tends to get a little stuck; unfortunately the Roar often can’t quite match his younger classmates. Despite this he’s really started applying himself late this season and might get back at a few who poked fun at his mature age status.
Western Sydney Wanderers – The troublemaker
The type of kid who got suspended for something insane, like lighting a bin on fire. Was always entertaining the class, but at the same time you never really felt safe when he was feeling energetic. The FFA keeps a scrutinising eye on the Wanderers, but they’re usually just after a bit of fun.
Perth Glory – The quiet kid
He sat behind you for an entire term but you didn’t realise. He lives a fair way out of town and just goes about his business, not causing trouble or excelling in any area either. Occasionally he would pipe up and shock some of his more boisterous classmates but most agree this term hasn’t been a positive one for the Glory.
Central Coast Mariners – Straight D’s
The Mariners won’t be showing Mum this report card. This season has been a painful one and they’ve only just scraped themselves off the bottom of the ladder. The Mariners best represent the student who would drift off in lessons then panic when the big test gets slapped on his desk.
Wellington Phoenix – The dropout
Flunked almost every test they slid his way, the FFA are seriously considering kicking this kid out for good. It’s a shame to see, but The Nix need to get busy rebuilding the squad and finding a coach who can return them to a respectable state.
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