If A-Leagues clubs were characters from The Simpsons

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It’s not clear how much the A-Leagues have caught on in Springfield…

There is seemingly a character from The Simpsons for every occasion, so it’s time to found out which one best represents your A-Leagues club.

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Adelaide United: Grampa Simpson

An ever-present in the competition, Adelaide probably enjoyed their most successful period as a club in the distant past. Still, they continue to hang around the upper echelons and even occasionally take on a starring role. Plus, they have shown plenty of qualities which have endeared them to the public in recent years.

Brisbane Roar: Troy McClure

Brisbane have also been around since the very beginning (albeit with a bit of a facelift since then). Once upon a time they were the sexiest, most successful thing in town. Nowadays they mostly take on a supporting role whilst maintaining a surprisingly youthful facade.

Canberra United: Lisa Simpson

Lisa’s environmentalist heart surely bleeds green, making her a perfect fit for Canberra. Comparatively under resourced yet more than holding their own against some of the big hitters, both Lisa and Canberra survive through their intelligence and prudent decision-making, albeit without the freedom of complete independence.

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Central Coast Mariners: Ned Flanders

Howdily doodily Mariners fans. Both Flanders and Central Coast are friendly faces which usually end up as harmless adversaries. The Mariners’ religious promotion of young players in recent years has become their defining characteristic as they hang around the middle of the pack.

Macarthur Bulls: Rich Texan

There is just something very, Texas-y, about the Bulls. I’m not sure what it is. Whether it be gun shots or cowbells, both Macarthur and Rich have a signature sound and are explosive to say the least. Although there is yet to be much substance from either, they certainly add an unpredictable element in their respective environments.

Melbourne City: Mr. Burns

Ah yes, the team transformed by substantial wealth which we all wish came from a slightly less unsavoury source? Monty Burns is the clear choice for City. Ruthless in their demands and more often than not getting what they want, City are set to be the long-term overlords of their humble competition – a position Mr. Burns understands all too well.

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Melbourne Victory: Homer Simpson

So often the protagonist of the story, things tend to work out for Homer seemingly through sheer dumb luck. Like Homer, Victory regularly find themselves coming out on top even though we might question some of the decision-making leading to that moment. Brilliant at times, baffling at others, the one certainty with Victory is that they will make plenty of noise whatever they are doing.

Newcastle Jets: Bart Simpson

Newcastle have won plenty of plaudits this season for their daring and compelling game style. For all they might try though, the Jets often find themselves constrained by external forces and are ultimately governed by their fellow competitors. Bart knows the struggle of fighting against authority to try to be the coolest and most interesting person around, leaving us all quietly hoping he can succeed.

Perth Glory: Ralph Wiggum

This decision is clearly more a reflection of Perth’s ALM team than ALW – whereas in ALW Glory put together a stellar season where they exceeded all expectations, in ALM….well Perth just look lost. Youthfulness is perhaps their one redeeming factor, and the heartbreak experienced by Perth fans watching their team play this season makes Ralph an appropriate comparison.

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Sydney FC: Principal Skinner

A domineering figure in The Simpsons’ universe, Principal Skinner seems to suit Sydney rather well. Whilst Skinner likes to present himself as an archetype of confidence and composure, and no doubt he carries plenty of authority, he also embodies a degree of inflexibility. The Sky Blues have fallen into a similar trap in 2021/22 with their somewhat stale game style. Are they out of touch?

Western Sydney Wanderers: Krusty the Clown

A source of significant humour for onlookers, things are not so funny when you look behind the curtain at Western Sydney. Whilst a group of adoring fans follow both Krusty and Wanderers, the challenges behind the scenes have come to characterise much of what we know about both.

Wellington Phoenix: Milhouse Van Houten

The slightly less ambitious and more sensible friend of Bart, Milhouse faces plenty of his own challenges in surviving day-to-day life. Always feeling a bit out of place, but nonetheless showing plenty of qualities over time which should ensure long-term stability in Milhouse’s life. Similar observations could be made about Wellington, especially based on what we’ve seen throughout the pandemic era.

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Western United: Marge Simpson

Western United have built a reputation as a defensively-sound, mature team under John Aloisi this season. Whilst we occasionally see their more chaotic side, both Western and Marge will likely remain comparatively stable in amongst their chaotic surroundings. I just think they’re neat.

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Oscar Rutherford
Sports tragic studying Law/Arts at Monash University. Second-best paid Oscar working in football who has been to China.

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