Five reasons why Mark Rudan should stay in Wellington

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Wellington Phoenix head coach Mark Rudan has been heavily linked with a move to A-League newcomers Western United.

Because of this, it is unsurprising that the past four months have seen a frenzy of media speculation over whether he will stay or go.

One of the big problems is Rudan’s family, with the Australian managing the Phoenix from Wellington while his family is still in Australia, making a difficult dynamic. Rudan recently shot a warning at the kiwi club, saying he will leave Wellington unless his family can relocate.

So, being the non-biased Wellingtonian and Kiwi that I am, I thought I might list some reasons why Rudan’s family should move here, as well as detailing why Rudan should stay in Wellington.

5. Wellington has better weather

Sydney and Melbourne can have temperatures that can go into 30s and even the 40s at times. Call me soft, but anything above 21 is too hot for me. Thankfully, that’s what Wellington has: fairly mild temperatures all year round.

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Oh, and don’t let our horizontal rain, constant howling winds, icy sleet and perpetual storm clouds turn you off; every now and then we have a fine day.

Also! Don’t bother using an umbrella. The wind will blow that inside out in five seconds flat. Honestly, I don’t know why you’d prefer constant beach weather over this. Sydney and Melbourne just don’t have enough wind.

4. Our football team is the best in Oceania.

Oh yeah. This is a football website and I should be talking about that. Well, in that case how about I talk about the All Whites, our not fully professional national team!

Why bother with high intensity games against Japan and South Korea when you can watch the All Whites cruise through to beat Vanautu and New Caledonia 2-0?

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Look, if you’re going to be living here, you’re a Kiwi. No buts. So as a football fan, you’ll be supporting our national football team. Forget the Socceroos.

But here’s the best part of supporting the All Whites. Our national team is unbeaten since June. That’s more than Australia can say. Take that Aussies!

Admittedly, we haven’t won since June. Or drawn. Or played. But that’s all semantics.

3. You’re already a Kiwi

Back before Rudan had ever managed an A-League game, Rudan called himself a Kiwi, saying, “When I see the results at the weekend, with the netball and the rugby league, I’m a Kiwi. I’m almost like ‘Unlucky, Aussies,..’ I’m as Kiwi as I come right now. This is home for me now.”

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So I guess this is time to point out that NZ is like hotel California. You can check out any time you like, but you can never ever leave!

2. We have a successful football team

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So, did you know that Wellington has the seventh best football team in the world? Team Wellington, or as we call them, the TeeDubs won last years OFC Champions League and qualified for the FFIFA club world cup, where they came seventh. Out of seven teams. But, better than Australia!

Oh, you thought we were talking about the Phoenix? Get real.

1. New Zealand is just better than Australia

Look folks, as the sole Kiwi at The Football Sack, it’s my duty to stand up for the truth. Mark, and your family: NZ is superior in every way to Australia. I honestly can’t think of one thing that Australia has over New Zealand.

Oh. This is The Football Sack. I’m trying to write to and appeal to an Australian audience.

1a. Australia is just better than New Zealand

After a gentle word from my [Australian] editor, I’ve come to the conclusion that you Aussies aren’t that bad after all. I guess if Rudan wants to leave us, he’s going to greener pastures.

Feature image credit: Ngau Kai Yan

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Dan Moskovitz
The Football Sack's resident teen kiwi football nut. Loves everything football except defeats.